Speak Kindly, Think Critically: Civil Discourse for Mental Health
By Victoria Nagel, LCADC, CCS, LPC, ACS, NCC, BC-TMH
In an increasingly polarized world, the ability to engage in thoughtful, respectful dialogue is not only a civic skill, it’s a mental health imperative. Civil discourse creates space for empathy, reduces emotional reactivity, and encourages psychological flexibility, which is essential in times of uncertainty and high stress.
As a counselor and continuing education provider, I’ve seen how stress related to political events and polarized conversations can profoundly impact individuals and communities. This was especially evident during the 2024 election season and the following months, when I facilitated multiple workshops focused on helping clinicians and government professionals manage election-related stress while cultivating emotional intelligence and strengthening our capacity for meaningful, civil dialogue.
Why Civil Discourse Supports Mental Health
When we’re unable to talk through disagreement, stress escalates, especially around emotionally charged topics like politics, identity, or values. Psychologist Steven Stosny coined the term “election stress disorder” to describe the heightened anger, anxiety, and helplessness that can arise during election cycles. But it's no longer just about politics. It’s about chronic stress, emotional dysregulation, and fractured relationships that have developed.
We can understand how stress builds over time using the General Adaptation Syndrome model. In the initial alarm phase, our bodies react. In the resistance phase, we attempt to adapt. But when stress persists without relief or resolution, we enter the exhaustion stage, where burnout, emotional numbing, and disconnection thrive.
During a workshop I led for clinicians, it became evident that providers and their clients were stuck in resistance, barreling toward exhaustion. But what stood out even more was a shared sense of disconnection, driven by stress and the loss of meaningful, respectful communication. That realization led to an important insight: civil discourse isn’t just about civics but healing.
The Foundations of Civil Discourse
Civil discourse is often framed as a communication skill, but it’s more than that. It’s a coping skill. Engaging in respectful dialogue helps regulate emotions, reduces isolation, and fosters psychological safety. In a divided and often emotionally reactive world, the ability to engage calmly and meaningfully is a powerful form of self-care.
At the heart of civil discourse is emotional intelligence. This is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also being attuned to the feelings of others. Emotional intelligence allows us to pause before reacting, empathize with someone else’s perspective, and respond in intentional rather than impulsive ways. It teaches us to regulate ourselves before trying to engage with others.
Equally important is understanding the difference between core beliefs and values. Core beliefs are deeply held assumptions about ourselves, others, and the world, often shaped by life experiences, culture, and spirituality. At the same time, values are personal ethics that guide behavior and decision-making, like integrity, honesty, or kindness. Beliefs often shape values, but the reverse is not always true. This distinction helps us separate identity from ideology, allowing space for disagreement without feeling personally attacked. We open the door to mutual respect when we can acknowledge our own and others’ values without equating them to our core identity.
Practices to Promote Civil Discourse
Promoting civil discourse starts with self-regulation. Before entering any difficult conversation, we must ask ourselves: Am I calm enough to listen? What is my intention in this conversation? Is this the right time to engage? Centering ourselves with grounding exercises, journaling, or simply taking a break when needed can be the difference between a constructive dialogue and a damaging exchange.
Another key practice is to engage with curiosity instead of seeking agreement. The goal is not to “win” an argument but to understand the other person’s perspective while remaining true to our own. Simple phrases like “Help me understand your point of view,” or “I can see how you might feel that way,” open the door to connection rather than conflict.
And perhaps most critically, it’s important to know when to set boundaries. If a conversation becomes hostile or emotionally unsafe, it’s okay to pause. Saying something like, “Let’s revisit this when we’re both in a better place to listen,” protects both the relationship and your mental health.
Civil discourse isn’t about avoiding difficult topics. It’s about being prepared to engage in them with clarity, compassion, and courage. These practices strengthen relationships, enhance our mental resilience, encourage social connection, and remind us that even in disagreement, healing is possible.
Final Thoughts
To foster resilience in ourselves, our clients, and our communities, we must treat civil discourse as a daily practice, not just a lofty ideal. It starts with regulating our emotions, listening with intention, and choosing curiosity over conflict. These are not passive traits. They’re active skills we build with effort and repetition. In a time of division and uncertainty, practicing civil discourse is one of the most powerful actions we can take to support mental health, rebuild connections, and lead with integrity. The change begins in conversation, and that conversation begins with us.
References
Cooks-Campbell, A. (2022). Beliefs versus Values: How to Know What They Bring to
Your Life. www.betterup.com. https://www.betterup.com/blog/beliefs-vs-values
Kienzler, H., Massazza, A., Kuykendall, R., Tamimi, N., Hammoudeh, W., & Giacaman, R.
(2024). Uncertainty and Mental Health: A Qualitative Scoping review. SSM -
Qualitative Research in Health, 100521. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssmqr.2024.100521
Palmiter, D., Alvord, M., Dorlen, Comas-Diaz, L., Luthar, S., Maddi, S., O’Neill, K., Saakvitne, K.,
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Stosny, S., PhD. (2016). Politics is in the wrong part of the brain. Psychology Today.
